Thursday, July 26, 2012

sometimes we have relationships in our lives
and they come, fill so much of our hearts, our time, our world...
they can even bring happiness, memories we treasure
and then it seems in an instant they fade into the wind.
swept offshore into the waves of the ocean 
sinking way down deep into the dark sea
never to be seen again. 

what happened? how can something so real, so important, so tangible
just slip away, never to be felt again, only to be replaced with an empty hole. 
maybe this has happened to you.
it has happened to me. 
happened on more than one occasion. 
a family member, a friend, a trusted confidant....
someone who at one time was as close as a loved one could be. 

but why? 
that piece, it often lingers. for me it has lingered for years. 
at times it is a distant memory but other times it is all consuming. 

it is then that i have to offer up what i can't control,
what i can't do a thing about, and pray. 
pray to the one who is the healer of all things. 
give up the pain, the resentment, the anger, the loss.
turn it over and instead pick up:
His love, His grace, and let Him heal, let Him make all things new. 
relinquish the need to know, to control, to make it better myself. 
let it go. 

we've all been there, left by someone who once was once so much of our world.
forgotten by someone we cared about deeply. 
the pain is at times unbearable, i have been there. 
wallowing in the pit of misery, rejection, lies.
 but there is hope. 

because my God can restore, He does restore, He has a purpose. 
there are times where he has restored a broken relationship,
a friendship that was long past brought into being again, through grace & forgiveness.
but there are other times where that hasn't been a part of His plan.
it hurt. it wasn't what i desired. 
it isn't even what i thought to be best. 
but God knew better, He knew what i needed, what was best for me. 
time brought about reflection and a glimpse of life without that toxic impact,
and slowly it started to hurt less. 
time gave way to understanding that what was taken away was meant for my good
and brought about a freedom only He could have orchestrated. 
pure grace. 

if you are here today. 
with tear stained face, 
or a heart that is broken with loss.
know this my friend, 
there is hope. 
in Him there is love, there is joy, there is true peace. 

He doesn't always restore a relationship we desire. 
that family member, that friend, that loved one, 
He may have a greater plan for you. 
they may not be part of His plan for your life.
you may look back a year from now
and understand why or you may never know. 

but this one thing is for sure. 
He is love, He wants a relationship with you, He wants what's best for you. 
will you let Him orchestrate that? 
will you lay down the hurt, the pain, the feelings you hide way down deep?
pick up His love, His grace and His peace. 

i am scratching the surface of my story. 
more will come. 
but please know i come from a place of love and understanding. 
having been forgotten, rejected and left by my own flesh and blood, 
i understand the pain you feel. 
but i also stand here today a changed woman. 
a woman with a story of what he God did. 
how He changed my life. 
how He has bore my pain and left me with grace, love and peace unending. 

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